im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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