wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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