My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
