I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
