I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
