i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
