Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
