3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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