C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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