I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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