Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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