I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
