is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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