i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
