names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize