never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
