Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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