were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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