I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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