Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
