How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
