If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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