oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
