when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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