u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
