The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A+ Viking dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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