I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
