I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
