all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We have so much sex to catch up on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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