He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
