I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
