and i looked up. we had an audience...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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