You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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