the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
