just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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