Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
