I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
