Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
