my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
