member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize