my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
