idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
