oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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