The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
