i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
