i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
