Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
