I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
