only if we run a train.
done.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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