I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Soap is not a condiment
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
