What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
