Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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