billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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