Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize