Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize