i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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