Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
