well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
