I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
