He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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