Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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