we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We have started to decorate penises.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
