We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
