Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
