That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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