im about as happy as oj after his trial
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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