One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
