Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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