I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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