Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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