my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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