Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
