so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
