why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
