Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
