He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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