just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
