Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We left the knife in your bed.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
