He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
