I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
