I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How does one acquire holy water?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
