Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
