i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
