she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
