he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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