But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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