My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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