Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
