I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
