Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
