Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
