return my video game
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
